- When you move to a new location, your E-mail is up and running long before your telephone...(E-mail is more important anyway).
- You frequently ask questions like "What? No one has sent me an E-mail message? It's been a whole 5 minutes! What is going on here? There must be something wrong with my connection..."
- The first thing you do when arriving at home after closing the front door is lunge for the computer power button to, of course, check your E-mail.
- The number of E-mail accounts you have is somewhere in the two-digit range
- You check your E-mail 30 times per day at the very minumum.
- No one ever calls you...No one is ever ABLE to call you...the line is always tied up. That's okay, though, because you're not interested in receiving any phone calls anyway, that's what E-mail is for.
- Your family and friends know that if they want to contact you they had better E-mail or show up at your doorstep...no other way exists...
- You can type much faster than you are able to think...leads to many typing errors.
- You aren't difficult to find...everyone seems to mysteriously know where you are...(How can that be?)
- Your vision isn't quite what it used to be...too much staring at the computer screen and typing.
- You are extremely disappointed and emotional when you don't receive any E-mail...this leads to feelings of rejection, loneliness, etc.
- You have become very antisocial...you refuse to talk with friends after classes on campus because you are in a big hurry to go and check your E-mail.
- You don't ever read your "regular" mail; you know, the kind they had before the electronic version, that the guy in the blue suit brings to your house.
- Your idea of a "hot date" is a meeting in a chat room with your favorite E-mail pals.
- You have the E-mail addict appearance syndrome:
- EYES-glazed...just like doughnuts, (Krispy Kreme or Dunkin?) too much staring at the screen...also cause of vision impairment (see above).
- SKIN-extremely pale (never sees sunlight).
- HANDS-trembling from caffeine overdoses...too many late nights spent sending E-mail.
- You consider it perfectly normal to say things like "Tell your cat to E-mail my cat."
- No matter how late it is, or how many millions of things you have to do, you HAVE to send that one last E-mail...and maybe just one more...and then there was that other one you needed to send...and oh well, it's 5.00 AM, you might as well just E-mail everybody...
*Amendment for political correctness: that the "person" in the blue suit brings to your house.
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